WANTED: Mommy-Anger-Management secrets needed ASAP for tired mommy of young children.
Could you take out an ad similar to this? God knows that I could.
Having four blessings has brought out anger issues that I didn’t even know I had. I hate it. I hate how angry I get at the little people around me whom I love so much.
And I bet to some degree all of you can relate to these statements.
Because of my issues, I am always looking for ideas and suggestions to help me with this yuck in my life. So when I heard Julie Ann Barnhill talk about her book She’s Gonna Blow!: Real Help for Moms Dealing with Anger on a radio program, I knew I needed to get her book.
Whether you have anger with your children, husband, or co-workers. Whether it is externally expressed or held within, I am going to share with you nuggets of wisdom all week that I have gleaned from her book. I pray that you will be able to incorporate at least one of these ideas into your life.
Wisdom Point #1:
Rage that flares against our children is usually rooted in something greater than the children themselves. But it is so much easier to lay the blame on our children. Blaming them requires less effort than actually examining our lives and considering the real sources for erupting anger.
This is so true!
Supper is taking longer than I want and my children get into a fight. Company is coming over and my son drops his snack all over the floor. I am exhausted after a long day and my daughter will not stop whining. Mount Mommy, she’s gonna blow!
Julie Ann shares three patterns that lead to explosive anger.
1st – Deep underground issues that includes what we were born with and what has happened in the past.
Our past makes up who we are and also forms how we handle things. Becoming aware of these “realities” can help us adapt our mothering. Where I see this comes into play in my own life is with my personality. I was born a Type A. I will die a Type A. I am a perfectionist and I hate waste.
When my children don’t match my personal drive or contain my strong convictions, I get very frustrated. But, not all of my children are going to hurry, organize, and plan. God reminds me in Proverbs 22:6 that I am to train up each one of my children in the way each child should go. I am not to train them to be mini me’s!
2nd – The little and large stresses of living life.
Julie Ann provides the examples of family schedules, finances, other relationships, and our attitudes. I would also add internal and external pressures. This is big for me.
As a perfectionist, I have expectations of how my family as a whole and each individual child will act. Expectations exist on how my house will look, what a proper meal looks like, and what quality family times consists of. And I put a lot of pressure on myself to match these expectations. Talk about self-induced stress!
Mix a stressed momma with young children and you will get a mountain of frustration which can easily lead to anger. For me, I am learning to direct my frustration at the true issue by asking a question of myself – Why am I angry right now? This helps me check whether there is a deeper issue that as escalated my anger towards my children.
Secondly, I am trying to minimize stressful situation when my children are around. For example, fixing supper is a rough time in our house. I am minimizing the stress by preparing supper in the morning or utilizing one of the freezer meals from my Supper Sisters Group. This means that I may use the crock pot or have it ready to go into the oven in the afternoon.
Third, minimizing computer and phone time while my kids are around. When my mind is on something else (an email, paying a bill, or a conversation), interruptions frustrate me.
3rd – Sometimes it is just our child or children who set us off.
Julia Ann calls them “our precious little trigger points.” But as precious as they are, our child(ren) now how to push our buttons. Sometimes the buttons are pushed on purpose. Other times our kiddos are just being children. Milk will be spilled, toys will be dropped on our toes, and naps will be interrupted.
Take a moment and look over these three points. Which one is your biggest trigger?
Knowing that you are triggered by this point, what can you do to lessen the blow?
If your background is causing you trouble, you may need to speak to a mentor or even a godly counselor. I meet with my mentor once a month and those times are vital to my life.
If your life is filled with stressers, what can be eliminated? What needs to be changed? Sit down with your husband and make plans to ease the burdens you are feeling.
Children will be children. And before I had Bubs and Little Man, I would have said that if your children are setting you off then you are not disciplining well. You aren’t being consistent. Well reality hit and I realized this isn’t the case with all children. If you are pulling your hair out with a certain child – or all of them! – I encourage you to talk to your pediatrician or an experienced mom whom you respect.
God did not put us moms on individual islands. That is where the enemy wants us to dwell. I encourage you to take this info to your quiet time and pray over the three trigger points. See where the Holy Spirit leads you.
And then come back tomorrow for Wisdom Point #2!